for the first eight years of my life I was the only child. I was spoilt rotten and got all of my parents’ attention in all ways imaginable. But then came this lit¬tle bundle of `joy’ one day that stole my parents from me. I felt neglected; I began flunking at school and generally felt miserable. Though I gradually accepted this new person, I still won¬dered what it would have been like if I had stayed my parents’ one and only.
Till about twenty years ago it was seldom a case of choosing to have just one child. An only child was considered a bit of an oddity; often shy, over-protected and socially withdrawn. Now, when having children in one’s thirties or even forties is almost the norm, a “new” only child has emerged.
Indeed, today’s only child benefits from the knowledge that it is the product of a positive pa-rental choice. Parents of single children no lon¬ger have to worry about their child being lonely or at a social disadvantage; mobility and the re-sources to support an active social life have put an end to that.
Says Marya, 35, an only child and mother of an only child, “I’ve never missed out on anything. My parents did not want another child because they felt that they did not have the temperament for another one. I feel that I don’t either. It’s not like I had siblings and someone took them away. Being an only child was simply my reality, I knew nothing else. I had friends, I interacted with adults. Like any other kid, I’m sure I got bored and my parents probably had to work a little harder to provide for my entertainment, but loneliness wasn’t a pervasive feeling”.
Ahmad, 45, is often asked if being an only child made him a spoilt brat, he says “How does one an¬swer that? I didn’t have to share things at home, mainly because there was no one to share them with. I had friends, I went to school, I went to camp, so I think I learnt some basic social skills. Did my parents over-indulge me? I think it de¬pends more on your philosophy than theirs. To some people I had more than enough, to others, I suppose I was deprived. Did I have opportunities that I wouldn’t have had if I had had siblings? You bet! I had some wonderful opportunities by virtue of being an only child as my parents’ efforts and
resources simply didn’t have to be divided. There’s nothing wrong or bad about that”.
Many couples are increasingly concerned about providing a good education. Some are keen to give their child a private education or, at least, private tuition in certain subjects. If this means that they can only afford to have one child, then so be it. Says Marium, 31, “Me and my husband plan to keep it at one, keeping in view the current reces¬sion. We want our child to be well equipped to face a rather difficult and competitive world. All this costs money and we don’t have a lot.”
Parents of a single child have more time to fo¬cus on the general aspects of child development and learning issues and can give their child that in¬dividual attention that makes such a difference. Studies have proven that an only child often does better in life for the same reasons that first-borns do. First-borns have their parents’ individual attention tion for those important first few years and there benefit from greater stimulation. As a result first-borns are often high achievers in later life. In the case of the only child, this individual attention is available throughout childhood and can put them in a very strong position in later adult life.
There was a time when having a single child had something of a stigma attached to it. People often assumed that parents had a fertility problem and that no one could be `so selfish’ as to stop at one. That attitude is gradually disappearing, though parents opting to limit their family to one still face disapproval.
Says Rabia, 35, “Elderly ladies of the family of-ten single me out regarding my decision to keep my son an only child, asking me what I would do if he died or developed some health problems. My husband is a business man, he travels a lot and I can’t see myself raising another child alone. It’s a lot of work. People should respect my decision.”
Often parents have no problem sustaining a good relationship and enjoying life when they have only one child to cope with. It is when a sec¬ond baby appears in a couple of years’ time that difficulties can surface. A mother of a single child doesn’t have to deal with being pregnant and look¬ing after a toddler at the same time. Sleepless nights are certainly less of a problem if you only have one child, in fact, the entire logistics and or¬ganisation of having more than one child can over¬whelm a couple’s personal relationship.
Trying to sustain an uninterrupted career path is another reason to opt for a single child. According to Naveed and Zehra, both in their 30s, “We are both professionals and as our careers become more and more demanding we will have greater time constraints. With a single child it will be rela¬tively easier to adjust our time schedules. Having another child would only complicate matters as tic would have to start all over again.”
An only child today is completely different from those of just a few decades ago. Not only are they far more numerous, they are happier in dividuals who are well-balanced and more socially adept