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Mom on the job

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16

Because the mother was in touch with the world, she was able to open my eyes to explore the world; because she knew the progress of the world, she was able to prepare me for it
Being a working mom is no easy task, so my mother tells me based on her many years of experience in this particular area. Being the child of a working mom also comes with its highs and lows, this I can say from per sonal experience. While some research may suggest that stay-at-home moms can provide their children with better care at least in the initial years of their lives, economic realities demand that most women resume their jobs as early as a few months after giving birth.

But is this necessarily a negative thing? I think not. According to the self help book, Be Your Own Therapist, working moms exude confi­dence because of their regular interaction with the outside world and this can be benefi­cial for their children. “Research shows that children of working mothers do as well as those with stay-at-home mothers. Mom’s increased self-esteem and aliveness seem to counteract any ill ef­fects that might result from a loss in her availability.”

To me this makes absolute sense; while children of work­ing moms may wish to see their mothers more often, in most cases the time they do actually spend with their mother will he quality time. Sumera, 26, whose mother has worked for most of her life, agrees with this, “My mother was always there at the most important events in my life. Sure, I wasn’t able to spend as much time with her as I would have liked but we had a lot of good times together.”

There is overwhelming evi­dence to prove that children of working mothers are far more independent than those of their stay-at-home counter-parts. This independence is borne out of necessity — Ammar, 34, has two school going boys, his wife works as a teacher in one of Karachi’s finest schools. He says that both boys help mom out by polishing their own shoes and doing other small chores around the house “because they already realise that their mother can’t do it all.” Alifya, 30, works in a high stress job and says that having a working mom prepared her for the work/life balance she must maintain now. “

My mother taught my siblings and me early on that we would have to help her and my dad run things around the house. I didn’t always enjoy doing the chores they assigned but they instilled in me a sense of discipline that has been the cor­nerstone of my success as a professional and a mother.”

Her sister Nariman, 26. points out that having a work­ing mother also helps to strengthen bonds between sib­lings. “When something goes wrong, you know that you can’t always ask your mother to help because she may be unavailable so you naturally start relying on your brothers and sisters.”

Another great advantage of having a working mother, says Momin, 32. is that she has other things to think about rather than just her kids. “My mom has always worked and continues to do so. This means she has her own set of friends and interests and does­n’t always obsess about nee and my friends and what I am doing.”

Speaking from my own ex­perience I can identify with all of the above. Being the off-spring of a single working mom may not always have been comfortable — I wanted my mom to be at home when I got back from school, I re-member being unhappy when she had to work or go out of town on a work-related trip and I recall acting up in order to gel her attention sometimes.

Yet as I look hack on my childhood, I am grateful for the fact that my mother didn’t coddle me, she didn’t always offer easy fixes to problems, she made sure that I recog­nised the consequences for my actions and dealt with them on my own when necessary but that she always had the time to listen to my issues, to he my greatest cheerleader and motivator and to ground me with good values to last a life-time. Because she was in touch with the world, she was able to open my eyes to new avenues; because she knew how the world worked, she was able to prepare me for it. And while I still enjoy the days that she will pamper me by making my breakfast, I’m glad she taught me how to make my own early on in life and I wouldn’t have it any other way

Daycare dilemmas

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15
In days gone by it was the done thing for a woman to devote herself com­pletely to her home and children after marriage, even if she had to give up a successful career to do so, but this is no longer the case. Many women wish to continue with their profession while jug­gling family responsibilities, and while some have the support of parents or in-laws to help them cope, others have no help from any quarter.
In this scenario, the need for profes­sionally run childcare and daycare cen­tres is of utmost importance, but so far the concept has not gained much ground in Pakistan. While a few multinationals and some local companies do provide daycare facilities they are barely a drop in the ocean. It may come as a surprise that the state actually has a law regard­ing the provision of daycare centres but unfortunately it deals only with females employed at factories. According to this Factories Act, Section 33Q-2, all regis­tered factories having more than 50 fe­male employees are obliged to provide a suitable area which can be used as a day-care facility by employees with children who are aged six years or less. Unfortunately this law is rarely enforced and even the few factories that comply offer this facility to just the executives and not the lower staff.
Apart from daycares belonging to vari­ous organisations, there are a number of independent centres mushrooming inKarachi but most of them are being run by unqualified and untrained staff that has little or no experience in this field. Such places obviously pose numerous hazards to the health, development and security of the child. A mother who sends her daugh­ter to a company owned daycare centre, feels that, “some women send hyperactive children to these centres and they cannot be managed by the staff; this has an adverse effect on the other children present there”. She believes that those mothers who have the support of their parents or in-laws should consider keeping their children under the supervision of grand parents rather than daycare centre as oth­erwise it’s very unfair. to the child to be kept away from home.
Apart from working women, some housewives too avail the facility of day-cares as this offers them a chance to catch up on household chores and run their er­rands without having to worry about their children for a few hours. Some mothers also believe that a daycare centre pro­vides their child the kind of intellectual stimulation he or she needs and can help the child gain access to a good school lat­er on. While this may be true of some pre-school and Montessori set-ups, a day-care is simply a place for a child to spend time under adult supervision; it is not a school or a nursery.
It is also a good idea to spend extra time with your child in the evenings or on weekends to make up for the time spent at daycare as children can get insecure about being away from parents everyday. If you notice your child becoming either overly aggressive or quiet and withdrawn, check up on the centre immediately; there may be something drastically wrong..
When selecting a daycare, take your spouse along so he can pick up on the things you miss. Question the staff care-fully regarding their experience and note their behaviour towards their charges — af­ter all, your child will be in their hands, you have a right to ask anything you wish.
Check out the toys; are they baby safe? What are the bathroom facilities like? Who feeds the children and at what time? Ask if you can spend a few hours to observe the routine, this way you can also meet the other parents and get their feedback..
A daycare can be an ideal solution to your needs and can provide your child with the company of his own age group,all that’s needed is a bit of care in the selection process.
In days gone by it was the done thing for a woman to devote herself com­pletely to her home and children after marriage, even if she had to give up a successful career to do so, but this is no longer the case. Many women wish to continue with their profession while jug­gling family responsibilities, and while some have the support of parents or in-laws to help them cope, others have no help from any quarter.In this scenario, the need for profes­sionally run childcare and daycare cen­tres is of atmost importance, but so far the concept has not gained much ground in Pakistan. While a few multinationals and some local companies do provide daycare facilities they are barely a drop in the ocean. It may come as a surprise that the state actually has a law regard­ing the provision of daycare centres but unfortunately it deals only with females employed at factories. According to this Factories Act, Section 33Q-2, all regis­tered factories having more than 50 fe­male employees are obliged to provide a suitable area which can be used as a day-care facility by employees with children who are aged six years or less. Unfortunately this law is rarely enforced and even the few factories that comply offer this facility to just the executives and not the lower staff.Apart from daycares belonging to vari­ous organisations, there are a number of independent centres mushrooming inKarachi but most of them are being run by unqualified and untrained staff that has little or no experience in this field. Such places obviously pose numerous hazards to the health, development and security of the child. A mother who sends her daugh­ter to a company owned daycare centre, feels that, “some women send hyperactive children to these centres and they cannot be managed by the staff; this has an ad-verse effect on the other children present there”. She believes that those mothers who have the support of their parents or in-laws should consider keeping their children under the supervision of grand parents rather than daycare centre as oth­erwise it’s very unfair. to the child to be kept away from home.Apart from working women, some housewives too avail the facility of day-cares as this offers them a chance to catch up on household chores and run their er­rands without having to worry about their children for a few hours. Some mothers also believe that a daycare centre pro­vides their child the kind of intellectual stimulation he or she needs and can help the child gain access to a good school lat­er on. While this may be true of some pre-school and Montessori set-ups, a day-care is simply a place for a child to spend time under adult supervision; it is not a school or a nursery.It is also a good idea to spend extra time with your child in the evenings or on weekends to make up for the time spent at daycare as children can get insecure about being away from parents everyday. If you notice your child becoming either overly aggressive or quiet and withdrawn, check up on the centre immediately; there may be something drastically wrong..When selecting a daycare, take your spouse along so he can pick up on the things you miss. Question the staff care-fully regarding their experience and note their behaviour towards their charges — af­ter all, your child will be in their hands, you have a right to ask anything you wish.Check out the toys; are they baby safe? What are the bathroom facilities like? Who feeds the children and at what time? Ask if you can spend a few hours to observe the routine, this way you can also meet the other parents and get their feedback..A daycare can be an ideal solution to your needs and can provide your child with the company of his own age group,all that’s needed is a bit of care in the selection process.